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transitions

A Change of Pace: A More Inward Rhythm

by Taru Fisher on September 5, 2010

I have been struggling with the current transition appearing in my life; the one that feels scary and not socially acceptable. The one that says, “slow down”. The one that whispers be more silent and feel the center within yourself. The one that doesn’t really want to go out much at night, but prefers to read or do a jigsaw puzzle with my husband — anything but be on that damned computer one more minute. The one that occasionally feels like becoming a nun so she can have some peace and quiet, and contemplation, and no technology. The one that still wants to contribute to others, but somehow differently, less frantic, less interested in being perfect, and more interested in being present. That one is me.

I am beginning to understand that this transition is actually more transformational than transitional. It’s something that happens to all of us as we get older, and it is not to be feared; it is to be welcomed. Once I got this, I began to relax into this “slow down” feeling and watched as my stress level went down, my joy increased, my creativity started to blossom, and my friendships started becoming deeper and richer. Even though I’m not running from one place to another all the time, I am now somehow more a part of life rather than a spectator . Now, when I’m somewhere, that’s where I am; I’m not thinking about the next networking event, what’s for dinner, or how I haven’t done all those important things on my “to do” list.

I’ve noticed I’m attracting new coaching clients that are looking for a much more focused, less frantic pace in their lives. While they are all younger than I, they still want to be successful in their business, and are looking for a way to manage their busy lives to both be successful and have a life of joy and balance. Perhaps my ongoing transformation is what attracts them to me and me to them. Perhaps they, too, want to be present and have more space for noticing their inward rhythms — and honoring them.

I’d love to know about your experience. What have you noticed about the pace of your life? Is it too fast, too slow, or just right?

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Transitions: An Inevitable Part of Life

by Taru Fisher on August 18, 2010

We transition from babyhood to childhood, to adolescence, to young adulthood, and so on. These are both physical and emotional transitions. Other transitions are less organic, more challenging, and can be downright devastating; like the ones where you get a divorce, experience your children’s absence from your life, are forced into retirement before your time, or are entering elder-womanhood.

Ever since I discovered that my coaching passion lies with women in transition, I have been re-living all the transitions in my life — and there are so very many. Looking back from my 67 year old perspective, I see that life is a series of transitions for everyone. And it’s how we frame our experience of the transition that dictates how well we manage it, and where we end up. Here is my frame, and I find incredibly useful.

Transitions are a fact of life and anyone who believes they are immune to them is probably living in an alternate reality or on some other planet not populated by real human beings in a real world. That said, what is a transition? And is there some kind of predictability or uniformity to a transition?  Well, I think there is. Several years ago while in WealthyMind™ training with NLPCA I learned about the Universal Cycles of Change – 7 patterns that govern our life.

The first cycle is one of Creation and new beginnings, a starting point where a new idea, a new way of life begins. Some examples are starting a new life after a divorce, upon retirement, entering another phase of your life such as elder-hood, starting a business, having a baby, creating a book, to name just a few examples.

The second cycle is Growth, when your creation begins to develop and grow, becoming self organizing. It begins to take shape and new behavior patterns develop around it to foster even more growth. After a divorce, retirement or becoming an elder, you grow a new life. In business, you begin to build a client base; the baby does what babies do — get bigger and more challenging (in a good way); when writing a book you are fleshing out the characters and story. You get the idea.

The third cycle is Complexity to Maturity, where your creation has grown to the point where it takes on a new form, and achieves a steady state where it operates at its’ smoothest. Things are good and everything is going amazingly well. You feel good about it, yourself, and life.

The fourth cycle is Turbulence. This is characterized by growth that has become too complex and a bit overwhelming. Problems start to develop and it becomes apparent that the current structure cannot maintain itself. Turbulence is characterized by minor physical symptoms that are distracting, signs of depression or dissatisfaction with your life. Depending on the subject of the creation, there are other signs and symptoms. For example, in business, perhaps you are dealing with a troublesome employee. In your marriage, possibly serious communications problems are arising. A shift must happen for it to go on to the next level of growth. Ignore the call to shift at your own peril, for if you do, the result is chaos!

The fifth cycle is Chaos. The system begins to disintegrate and chaos is rampant. For example, your marriage is on the brink of divorce, or that pesky employee has sabotaged the business to the point of damage. You always know chaos when it appears; it is unmistakeable.

The sixth cycle is Droppings Off. Life has become so complex that you have to let go of something in order to move forward through a a difficult challenge. In a marriage, that may be divorce. In a business, that may mean a complete reorganization. It usually means we have to let go of a limiting belief, change our behavior, and reframe how you experience the world. You may feel resistance to this phase–it is human nature to want to hold on to what we have–but is is essential to our journey to let go of what has been holding us back.

Even Chaos brings change that’s needed. Just remember to drop off things that aren’t serving you. It can be challenging, but once done, you’ll feel lighter, and more free to enter into the next cycle of Meditation and Inward Silence, where you can heal, rejuvenate and get ready for your next creation (beginning). It’s comforting to know we can get through the challenges life brings, and move on into something better.

The seventh cycle is Meditation and Inward Silence. This is the final phase in the Universal Cycles of Change. We stand in the moment as we are; it may be uncomfortable at first, but remain there awhile and heal. This is a time of rest and rejuvenation, of resting in “being” rather than “doing”. This crucial phase paves the way for the beginning of the next cycle of Creation, where something new and wonderful can begin.

If you examine different aspects of your life like your love life, finances, health, friends, family, career and so forth, you will see which cycle you are in for each one — they will probably be different — and now you’ll have a road map of what to expect and how to successfully navigate the cycle.

What cycle of change do you find yourself in and in what area of life? I’d love to know how this resonates with you!

My joy is coaching women make transitions that create opportunities out of obstacles, and design a new life where they jump out of bed in the morning eager to live their life. That’s what I’m here for — use me.

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My Final Quarter

by Taru Fisher on May 31, 2010

Recently I began to wonder why I was so damn tired, so unmotivated, so bored, so ready to sleep late, so ready to merely watch mindless television, so ready to hibernate and watch the rest of the world go by. Then I got up enough energy to attend the three day Whole Life Experience Retreat with Jane Deuber and John Dulworth. That was the beginning of my wake up call, my AHA! moment, and my journey back to myself. To say it was life changing is an understatement.

Being a part of creating a successful business was exhilarating but tiring, and while I bought into the vision and mission of Alive! (and I still do) it never provided me with the number of coaching clients I had wanted. My dream and passion was, and is, coaching people to have rich, fulfilling, successful, and most of all happy, lives where they contribute positively to our world. When the economic downturn hit, I gave up on my dreams of coaching to put all my energies into saving the business we had. I cut expenses–our bookkeeper, virtual assistant; anything and everything I could do, I did. Once we had ridden out the worst of it , I felt it had become time for me to let go of some of the Alive! duties, hire back help , and re-start my coaching practice. I had some success before, so I was confident it would be fairly easy to do.

For months I have been trying to get my Change the Way You Age group coaching program to take off. It was like pushing a boulder up a hill– 2 inches up, 2 feet back. I could never get the momentum I had previously been able to get when I helped create Alive! Whole Life Fitness Studio with my husband. Creating and building Alive! took us six years and lots of 80-hour work weeks with no vacations, very little fun built in, and finally I was left with a burned out feeling I couldn’t shake.

So, why was it so hard to do that? Why did I sink deeper and deeper into exhaustion? The Whole Life Experience Retreat opened my eyes, my mind, and my heart to what was wrong with this picture, and what was right.

I discovered I was no longer interested in building a big business, an all-consuming business where I had to devote almost my entire life to building it. And the biggest discovery was that I had been running away from my mortality. Yes, I said “mortality” as in death. All my efforts had been to age naturally and powerfully, to put a lot of effort into living longer, healthier, and better. Now that’s an admirable goal–it truly is. I was just using it to avoid seeing I was entering the last quarter of my current life, and acknowledging that my motivations and interests had changed.

I am becoming an elderwoman, a crone, a sage, a wise woman; someone who values balancing “being” with “doing”. I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge my desire for slowing down, for seeing what is present in this moment, for taking time to contemplate and reflect, for sitting quietly and listening to the birds outside my bedroom window. I was afraid my younger, entrepreneurial friends would reject me and see me as merely an old lady who had given up on her dreams. But I had to speak it; I had to start living it.

When I shared my revelation with the participants during the Retreat, I was given love, and caring, and an even deeper connection began. I was supported, accepted, and most of all, included. My fear of rejection was just that, my fear. Jane stepped in and did her magic to help me see what new path there was for me, and where my accumulated wisdom from a lifetime of transitions could best be used. I left the Retreat with renewed energy and a new focus for my coaching. Now I can see the road ahead, and who I will serve with my coaching practice. It is with women in transition; empty nesters looking for new meaning in addition to motherhood; women who are retiring, whether by choice or job loss, who want to design a new life, and women like myself who are entering elderwomanhood and want to chart a path that’s appropriate for them.

There is going to be another Whole Life Experience Retreat at the end of October, and I hope to be there. I’m certain some of my entrepreneurial friends will decide to be there, too. It will change your life — if you let it. Come, be, do!

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